Baby Fever

I've been seeing and hearing a lot about babies lately! Why is it when you want something, it seems to be around you all the time? In the last two weeks, TWO WEEKS! I've had one friend announce she is pregnant, two friends had babies and one is due in February. It's getting a little emotional and hard to handle. I'm so happy for them but I'm also raging jealous, I can't wait until the day I can say I'm pregnant and the day I actually become a mother.

I can't tell

" I can't tell if its killing me or making me stronger" I found this quote and it pretty much sums up how I currently feel. I had a friend announce she's pregnant recently. I am happy and excited for her,but I'm having a hard time dealing with it. I broke down and just cried, I'm jealous it's not me, I'm angry at my body, I'm angry at myself. It brought on a ton of emotions I'm not quite sure how to process all of this. I've talked to other people who have had to deal with these feelings and there is no universal secret answer for how to Cope, just put on your big girl pants and deal with it. So, if you are one of my friends or family members that is pregnant or you get pregnant soon, know that I am happy for you! Please don't be afraid to tell me, i've found email or text works well, it gives me time to process and deal with it alone. It hurts but i'll try to be strong and deal with it. Also know I am excited for you but I might not be able to show it as much, I don't have a good poker face. Health Update: I started taking the metformin friday night, I'm only taking 500mg right now. I'm suppose to slowly build up to 1500mg. the first couple days were rough, it made me all jittery and hungry but eating didn't make me feel better. I think with any medication, your body needs time to adjust. It seems to be fine now, I take it at night and I feel ok in the morning. I also started trying to eat breakfast every day, even if it's just a banana. I think having food in my stomach seems to help the medication. The last two months I've been doing ovaluation tests daily, since I actually had cycles. I never really did the ovaluation tests before because I never had cycles so there was no reason to. I never got a postive ovaluation test on the last cycle. I'm currently on day 16 and still no postive test results. The doctor said days 12-20 are the days most women ovaluate so I'm defintley going to continue testing for another week or more. On the other hand, she said with the metformin I might not have cycles again and therefore, don't expect to ovaluate. In hindsight, I shouldn't have started the metformin until after this cycle was over, at least to day 20. But she told me to start metformin when ever I wanted and I forgot about the ovalutation testing sill going on.

Doctor Appt 1/5

I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow up on the hormone medication and just to talk about where we are and what we are doing. The hormone medication worked for the couple months I was on it so were hoping my body will regualte itself now. The doctor prescribed me metformin, a medicine that is commonly used to treat diabetes but it's been proven to help PCOS women ovaluate. It also helps with metabolism, so hopefully it will help with the diet. We are going to try this for a couple months and see how my body reacts. The doctor really wants me to "be healther" and lose some weight before we jump into clomid or anything like that. I've been thinking about weight watchers or something but it all seems complicated. I've been tracking on sparkpeople.com and i like it, it's fairly easy to use.

Metformin can make you sick, the doctor warned me most women have a lot of nausea and sickness while on this medication, so not to confuse it with any morning sickness or anything else. On the bright side, that might help with the diet.

the good news out of all of this is I get to stop the progestrone, hormone drugs! Maybe I'll be a little nicer now :)

Things not to say........

A friend of mine is currently pregnant and posted a list of things not to say to a pregnant women and it was a great article. It got me thinking, is there a list of things not to say to an infertile couple? Because lately I’ve heard so many things that were hurtful. I’m sure no one meant any harm but I thought a list might be nice to have. I’ll resist printing and mass distributing, instead here are my least favorite things to be told and links to a couple other blogs I found helpful J

Just Relax!

PCOS is a medical condition, relaxing won’t make it any better!  One of the bloggers wrote “you wouldn’t tell a cancer patient to relax and it will get better” it’s the same principle, we have a medical condition that needs medical attention, not relaxation or mediation or vacation or whatever else.

Your young, you have time!

I’m glad you think I’m young and by the numbers that might be a true statement but I don’t feel young! I don’t want to be an “old mom” I wanted to have children before I turn 30 and I’ve got a few years but you never know how long it will take to conceive, if we ever do! I’ll be the judge of my life and my timeline.

Take my Kids

As cute as they can be, no thanks! I love babysitting and children but I don’t permanently want your children. Yes it may seem very selfish but I want my own baby! I want to get fat and ugly and waddle and experience labor, I want the entire experience of having a baby.

When god wants to, he will give you a baby

I’m pretty much atheist, I have been for many years so let’s just avoid the religion talk all together.

Your luck you have all the free time/couple time…………

I get this a lot when I tell people I don’t have children yet but we are trying. It might sound glamour’s and amazing, maybe someday I’ll miss these times. But it’s not all that fun sitting home alone every night, spending my weekends cleaning the house. Quite frankly, I’m bored a lot! I have hobbies; I have craft projects started that aren’t finished. I have scrapbooks half complete, etc.. I have time to finish them but I chose not to. Maybe you would call it depression or some other medical term but I don’t seem to enjoy my hobbies as much these days. I think I’d rather spend my evenings washing baby clothes, giving baths, changing diapers. Free time isn’t as wonderful as you think when you know there is something else you could be doing.

Have you tried IVF?

I’m not to that step yet, we have a couple other options we are trying first. However  if/when I get to that point, I’ll gladly try it as soon as you give me the $15,000 it costs that insurance doesn’t cover.

I found some other lists I found true and helpful, check them out!

http://open.salon.com/blog/jeanette_d/2009/08/28/top_10_things_not_to_say_to_someone_experiencing_infertility

http://blog.attainfertility.com/2011/12/infertility-holiday-what-to-say/

http://summastarlet.blogspot.com/2011/02/things-not-to-say-to-infertile.html?zx=be45afb5cf33e16d

"You can borrow my kid"

Now that i'm actively trying to have a baby, there is nothing that aggrivates me more then people who complain about their kids and try to pawn them off! I'm sure your not really serious and your just frustrated but when you say on a daily basis you would let someone else take your kids, I have to wonder how much you love and care for them. I'm really getting tired of hearing this on a daily basis and one of these days i'm just going to snap and scream! You have no idea how lucky you are that you "accidentally" had a child. They are a precious gift and apparently not everyone can have them so easily so if you lucky enough to have at least one, why don't you just be thankful and shut the heck up! Ugh, ungrateful people!!

New Year!

Happy New Year! I'm hoping 2012 is better then 2011 and maybe 2012 will bring a pregancy or at least get us closer to one! I have a follow up appointment thursday afterrnoon with the doctor to see how the drugs have been working and talk about starting chlomid or metaformin.